a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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