Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
