So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
