oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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