he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
