brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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