I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
