i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
