nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
