i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
