FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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