if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
