I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize