Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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