soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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