One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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