My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
