So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize