i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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