I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
