you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
