It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
