im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
