Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
