i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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