So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
sarcasm needs its own font
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
