I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
