Sponge bath it is.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
