Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
