So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize