Will you blow on my dice?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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