im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
