tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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