So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize