smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Duck Duck Cougar?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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