Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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