i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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