i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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