ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize