Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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