found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
