Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
