idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
