My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
