your parents love me but you hate me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
