Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
