happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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