I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
