Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
