you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
