If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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