oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
