i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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