Having a random hookup so left but love u
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
