My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
