I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize