This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
