considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
