I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
