I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
