could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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