you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
