I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
