your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
