Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We need to get me chipped asap
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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