I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
