I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize