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My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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