Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i out mim tonsoeep
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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