I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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