Already got asked if we're dating
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
