he thought i was a dude.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
