Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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