im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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