Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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