rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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