Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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