Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
