Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
