I need to stop coming to work sober
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
