nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
