Don't make out with my wife yet
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
