TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
