just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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